Budget Python (Part 2)

Kronos, the Master of All Time and Space
See yesterday for part 1

The door opens, and a man walks in, backwards. MOE looks at him, with shocked recognition. KRONOS again catches this, and explains.

KRONOS
Right. THE INEVITABLE MR. EMMETT!

MOE
It’s… it’s… that guy!

EMMETT
.retal, laer neeb s’ti, lleW ("Well, it's been real, later.")

MOE
What did he say?

KRONOS
He said "Well, it's been real, later."

MOE
But he just got here!

KRONOS
Not to him, he didn't.

EMMETT
.ti htiw no teG (“Get on with it.”)

KRONOS
Right, we'll get you, THE INEVITABLE MR. EMMETT!, straightened out in a second.


CUT TO:
INT. – NIGHT – KRONOS’S OFFICE
CU: KRONOS pulls a small electronic device out of his pocket and waves it in the direction of Mr. EMMETT. There is a small electronic device type noise. (apologies, D.A.)

EMMETT
Ah, much better.

MOE
Wait a minute ... Have we met?

EMMETT
Everybody gets that with me. That's part of been being THE INEVITABLE MR. EMMETT!

MOE
Why do they call you THE INEVITABLE MR. EMMETT!, THE INEVITABLE MR. EMMETT? What does that mean?

EMMETT
Actually, it's a job title. I'm THE INEVITABLE, it's a position I, THE INEVITABLE MR. EMMETT! will eventually held with the company. My given name is WILLARD EMMETT, WHO IN HIS THIRD GRADE CLASS ACCIDENTALLY BURNED DOWN THE SCHOOL BY USING AN IMPROPER SETTING ON THE BUNSEN BURNER, CAUSING HIS FAMILY MUCH GRIEF, SHAME, AND EMBARRASSMENT AMONG FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS!

MOE
! (exhales in awe.)

EMMETT
You, MOE GREEN, A MAN WHO OWNS SOME LAND IN JERSEY! can see why the honorific.

MOE
So, what do y ... Uh, what does one do as THE INEVITABLE?

KRONOS
THE INEVITABLE, MR. EMMETT! is my primary advisor. See, he lives backwards in time.

MOE
Really.

KRONOS charts.

EMMETT
Not on purpose. I, THE INEVITABLE MR. EMMETT! used to, or that is to say, will one day have worked in the processing department of this fair corporation, where a fellow worker accidentally will knocked me into a wormhole he were trying to repolarize. I, THE INEVITABLE MR. EMMETT! have been this way ever since ... or will have had been, soon. Whatever.

KRONOS
I, KRONOS, THE MASTER OF ALL TIME AND SPACE!, promoted him because, even though I, KRONOS, THE MASTER OF ALL TIME AND SPACE!, can and DO (with pride) know all time and space, he has the day to day perspective on the effect and cause of events that I, KRONOS, THE MASTER OF ALL TIME AND SPACE!, lacked. (beat) Plus, he was threatening to sue.

KRONOS presents new chart, showing a winged dollar sign.

EMMETT
Yes, there was that.

KRONOS
So, what do you, THE INEVITABLE MR. EMMETT! have to tell me today.

EMMETT
Not much. Oh, yes, just one tiny thing. The final confrontation between you, KRONOS, THE MASTER OF ALL TIME AND SPACE! and OVERLORD, KRONOS'S ARCH-NEMESIS! Will have happened in about three minutes from now.

KRONOS
WHAT!?! How could this be, that I, KRONOS, THE MASTER OF ALL TIME AND SPACE! would not know of it?

EMMETT
He clouded your time-sight, of course. (to Moe) He can do that.

KRONOS
Well, who wins?

EMMETT
Not gonna tell.

KRONOS
What?!

EMMETT
Suffer with everyone else for once, o, all seeing master of all time and space.

KRONOS
Listen, MOE GREEN, A MAN WHO OWNS SOME LAND IN JERSEY!, I, KRONOS THE MASTER OF ALL TIME AND SPACE!, need your aid, and the time is very short.

KRONOS pulls up a chart. The MOECON, again, coupled with an icon of KRONOS (‘krocon’), with clear indicators of their interconnectedness.

KRONOS (cont.)
As my other-dimensional analogue on the planet Earth, the two of us are a part of the same thought of creation. I, KRONOS, THE MASTER OF ALL TIME AND SPACE! Have foreseen that you, MOE GREEN, A MAN WHO OWNS SOME LAND IN JERSEY! will be instrumental in this final conflict.

MOE
No Way! (with dawning realization) I, MOE GREEN, A MAN WHO OWNS SOME LAND IN JERSEY! can actually help?

An uncomfortable moment as MOE ponders.

MOE
Quickly, tell me about OVERLORD, KRONOS'S ARCH-NEMESIS!

KRONOS presents a new chart. The KROCON, and an exact negative of it, labeled, “O.L.”. (The Overlord Icon, or ‘O-CON’).

KRONOS
He hates everything I, KRONOS, THE MASTER OF ALL TIME AND SPACE, stand for: order and natural law. He desires pure entropy. He wants me and my hated name wiped out for all eternity. Gone, with nothing left to remind him that I, KRONOS, THE MASTER OF ALL TIME AND SPACE! ever existed.

MOE
Can he do it?

KRONOS
Yes. As my exact equals and opposites, he is just as powerful as I, KRONOS, THE MASTER OF ALL TIME AND SPACE! am.

MOE
But, he's called OVERLORD, KRONOS'S ARCH-NEMESIS!

New chart: the KROCON is gone, and the O-CON is superimposed over the universe.

KRONOS
Yeah, that's one of the reasons that he hates me so much. If he defeats me, he'll have total control of Kronopolis, and beyond that, the physics which govern the entire universe. He'll destroy all my work. He'll probably even change the name to Overlord City, or something equally tacky.

MOE starts to ask a question, when suddenly, a loud, evil-sounding telephone rings, interrupting them. All three turn with a start to look at the phone on KRONOS’s desk.

Concludes tomorrow.



Kronos costume design from aborted film. Click to enlarge.

There is footage of Jim Doller (as Kronos) running around in a really snazzy version of the outfit, which came out better than we'd hoped. I'll see if I can get Karl to slice me off a little so I can post here.