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Thursday, August 21, 2008

Come See the Egress

As if Beadboard Manor didn't have enough problems - big and small - for me to worry about...

About a month ago, the doorknob on the front door underwent S.M.E.F.* This is not at all an unprecedented event, here. The doorknobs are all as old as the house (that's 93 years, to you) and take turns coming off in people's hands, particularly going in and out of bathrooms. The front door, however, chose a really clever time - it was just as I was pulling the door shut to lock it before our Rhode Island trip.

So I've been meaning to get to it, but it's on my list of things I've been meaning to get to, and its number has not yet come up. It was behind the steps, and the basement, and the yard, and the window screens, and the office, and the general clean-up that we so badly need, and on and on.

Home ownership - what Spalding Gray termed 'terrors of pleasure' - is full these things. Little constant make-work for you, which you put off until you realize that now there is no landlord, no father, no anyone else except yourself who must first decide how to deal with it and then deal with it.

Usually, it goes in this order:

1) Try to repair it yourself;
2) if 'succeed,' have a beer
3) If 'fail,' go to step 4
4) Call a professional

We often bypass step two, but have the beer nonetheless. This evening, after DeScK (DeSCK? dEsCk? descK?) practice - which was also beset by difficulties of the technical sort - I was reminded of the doorknob's need when it tried to leave with Christine. So I set to with screwdriver and flashlight. And it was a real steps 1 and 3 kind of night, with step 4 happening tomorrow, and a gin and tonic sitting in for the beer tonight.

I guess I'll offer the Rambler's first dedication, by posting this blog in honor of Karl, who just closed on his house a couple of weeks ago, and is in the process of chopping away at the big things.

D.

*Douglas Adams-speak for 'Spontaneous Massive Existence Failure,' a corporate acronym assigned to a truly spectacular engineering SNAFU.

19 comments:

Christine said...

sorry i re-broke your doorknob!!! )c:

regarding part of the introduction to the post:
http://tlc.discovery.com/fansites/cleansweep/geton/geton.html

(you're not in california, but perhaps if you get a petition going...)
(my sister-in-law and i have been threatening my parents with this for years!)

shaunian said...

I think between the doorknob incident and practice not living up to last week, you definitely shouldn't blog about the pcmaDescK.

By the way, we just need to have an online contest or something to name the freakin band. Get suggestions from random people and award the winner with a 93 year-old vintage American doorknob.

Karl said...

First, thanks Dave for the nod. Yeah, it's the big things that are easy to see and address. (And to hire the professionals for.) I look forward to the apathy I will have for the small stuff.

About the band name; look, I am so tired of being last. We add a new member and my initial is still the last one!?! That isn't fair! From now on, I will consider the band name "K-desk".

Dave Kopperman said...

X: Reality TV. Blah.

S: Turns out that practice wasn't at all bad - at least the highly, highly compressed and wonky audio that the laptop captured sounds pretty good. We'll have to wait and see if the video agrees or disagrees.

There's an interesting, almost flange-like filter running throughout, which I'm guessing is the 'reduce ambient noise' feature of the mic, since it increases as we get louder. Psychedelic, man.

K: How about just 'Karl and the Karlettes?'

D.

Christine said...

i didn't think practice was so bad!
(except shaun. shaun sucked.)

karl, the name PCMA was ALL you. whatevs. though in the interest of mixing things up, we could try "o'tsakopgritsen"...

(shit, i shouldn't be giving my contest entries away... clearly i want that doorknob... are we eligible to win?)

Dave Kopperman said...

Actually, Vintage American Doorknob might be a winner...

Karl said...

I propose Karl's Vintage American Doorknob or just Karl and the Knobs.

shaunian said...

seriously, how 'bout just "Rockland"?

Christine said...

ooooooh i LIIIIIKE that one. and it starts with "rock"! :)

shaunian said...

So that's 2 "likes."

DAVE???

Paging Dave.

Christine said...

Dave is, apparently, still sleeping. Within Rockland itself (one would assume).

Dave, when you wake up - is the doorknob fixed yet?

Dave Kopperman said...

Unfortunately:

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=189426059

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=375041749

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=99870100

etc.

D.

Christine said...

...the links didn't go through, but is it safe to assume that you linked us to bands already called "rockland"?

Dave Kopperman said...

Yes. And they've dirtied up the name. Particularly the one from Idaho.

Check your email...

D.

Karl said...

So how about, "Rockbland"?

Christine said...

this whole discussion has put the copper men song in my head for the past several days. thanks guys.

i like Ockland Ray. has a nice sci-fi feel to it.

Dave Kopperman said...

Ockland Ray. Believe it or not, there's something to that. What happens if we swap out the word 'Ockland' for something else? The band then becomes 'The (Something) Ray.'

D.

Karl said...

Sugar Ray? Sorry, THE Sugar Ray.

Dave Kopperman said...

Ugh. I'm now strongly considering going against my policy of not editing or deleting my previous comments.

Sorry. Please try to forget I metnioned it.

(But I actually do like Sugar Ray, for what it's worth - an often overlooked band, as Sean Pope would no doubt say).

D.