This?

Monday, May 18, 2009

Morgan was Right

As part of my last night of temporary bachelorhood - with much to do, no food in the fridge and no time to really go get something more healthy (and, let's face it, also genuinely wanting it) - I did the deed. That's right: McDonald's Value Meal #1, right from the drive-thru. The Big Mac and fries. I also compounded it with a 'chocolate' shake, but don't worry - at least I had a Diet Coke.

I'd say 'this really makes me feel American!,' but McDonald's has so successfully spread their brand in the last few years that it would be more accurate to say 'this really makes me feel human!'

But it doesn't. It so doesn't. Short of being locked in a cage and force-fed metal filings, I can't think of a dinner more dehumanizing than the 'Value Meal #1.' The literal definition of 'empty calories,' I note that since the last time I indulged/punished myself with VM1, McDonald's has taken to printing the nutrition info on the side of the package. That's 560 for the Big Mac (with about 30% of that fat calories), 380 for the fries (170 fat calories) and 770 fucking calories for the 'chocolate' shake (160 fat). Which adds up to 1,710 calories for one meal. And the joke is sadly true - I was hungry again just as soon as I finished it.

Other than that, I only had a peanut butter & jelly sandwich today... and the beer, let's not forget the painting-break beer. And that was my full allowance of calories for the day. I won't even get in to the dubious moral choice of eating at McDonald's - these issues rarely cross my mind at times like that. Given Yesenia's all-wheat germ diet these days (with a milk and tofu allergy added to her list of dietary no-nos, the robust pork-eater I married has basically become a vegan), I figured the only time I could eat something like the VM1 guilt-free was the night before she returned.

I guess I'm ruined, though, since the 'guilt-free' part didn't work. Consider this Rambler my mea culpa: my fault, my most grievous fault.

Small thanks: at least my stomach seems to be handling the load of crap okay. I was fairly certain even before I ate that I would be paying for the VM1 with a severe case of ick.

D.

9 comments:

Christine said...

Whore.

Greg and I had McDonald's last night too! It was my first time in a loooooong time, and I only had a snack wrap, but we both felt like absolute shit afterwards.

Of the three married members of Greg's group, none of them married beef-eaters. He is taking advantage of my absence tonight by making meatloaf muffins with his best friend, who married a Hindu. (Let's ignore the fact that my own dinner this evening will be a Nathan's hot dog at Yankee Stadium - I don't consider hot dogs to be beef, at least not without quotes around it, "beef"...)

RC said...

That's like my friend's grandfather, who was kosher, who loved fried dumplings so much that he just pretended they weren't pork.

Thing is, I married a meat-eater at a time when I didn't each meat, then started eating meat because she would make it, and now I'm scaling back again.

I'm not sure that I can even picture what a 'meatloaf muffin' is, but I'd ask, 'you're sure GG is 100% Het?' Because under any other circumstances, a guy telling his wife, 'hey, while you're out, my friend is coming over and we're going to make meatloaf muffins!' would raise the eyebrows.

D.

Ansley said...

RC.. MY grandfather did that too!!

Meh.. McDonalds.. I always feel sick after I eat there.. Havent had a meal in about a year..

RC said...

Ans: It was your Grandfather I was talking about! My favorite detail was that he would have everyone reassure him (lie to him, in other words) that they did not contain pork.

D.

Ansley said...

Well who are you?

RC... Rich Clarke?

RC said...

Dave. It's Dave. Note the 'D.'at the end of each RC entry.

Sorry: "RC" is the Rockland County Times, where I work M-W. It's too much of a pain to log off and then log back in.

D.

Ansley said...

Gah... COnfused me...

Christine said...

I had been wondering about the "RC" m'self. Is that the discount brand of Dave?

Greg's ex would never let him cook, so he got creative in the kitchen after she left, making meals she'd never have considered actual food. Meatloaf muffins are meat wrapped around a hard-boiled egg (why???) and put into muffin tins, so they're single servings (or, in Greg's case, 1/3 of a serving each). Topped with a little "X" of mozzarella cheese for some reason. But as it happened they weren't feeling particularly culinary last night, and ordered Chinese instead (with beef in it of course).

By the way, did GG *ever* seem 100% hetero to you? ;) No dudes, but still. For that matter, his wife has kissed more women than he has.

Dave Kopperman said...

That sounds pretty good, actually. I wonder if they can be made with turkey instead of beef?

D.